well who thought i would even think of writing in xanga anymore; it basically died. but sometimes you just gotta get out how you feel in writing, and myspace is definately not the place to do that. i can trust my xanga cause yea, no one looks at this anymore. i was reading my previous entries and how i wrote in them, i feel as if i was writing like a 14 year old. like all giddy and happy about a cute guy and stuff. ive learned alot in the past several months and ive grown alot too. im not much different but theres still some things i wanna change, with some of my family for example. well, the real reason i resorted to my xanga, is to write about my boyfriend mike. i met him thru my friend josh and his cousins who josh and i are friends with. its a big group of friends. anywho, i met him at the pub he bartends at and one night after knowin each other for basically the whole summer, we had kissed. and it was one of those weak in the knees, sends chills down my spine kisses. and the way i felt after that, was a way i havent felt for a long time. i felt that way the first time i fell in love, and we all know who im talking about. so after we kissed, i felt nervous but so trusting, almost as if i knew that if i let myself fall for him, that he would be right there to catch me. usually im the first person to jump in and profess my feelings, but this time, this one and only time, it wasnt me.. it was him. that made me feel even more comfortable and sure of my feelings because we both felt this incredible feeling. so we have been a couple for about 3 weeks or so, maybe a little bit more, and its been spectacular. honestly, i could not ask for more. i never knew guys like him existed. now i dont wanna sound like a broken record cause ive raved about every boyfriend that ive dated, but this guy, mike; he's so different. its so hard for me to explain but everytime i see his name come up on my phone, and everytime he catches my eye, i get butterflies in my stomach, and i get this overwhelming feeling. this relationship is fairly new, but i feel like ive known him all my life. i feel like these past few weeks have been so much longer, and i can honestly say i was scared to feel it, and let someone have my heart, but i know he wont break it. theres a few complications thrown in as of right now in his life that he needs to handle, but i know how he feels about me and that little notion just lifts my spirits. i can only think about the future, and how amazing it will be. just the thought of him makes me smile. and i love how when im with him, i feel so safe, like he wants to take care of me. i was talking to someone a while ago, and i said that if i were to meet the guy im going to spend the rest of my life with, i would be ready. ive been thru the whole bar scene for the past 2 years, and i cant really see it changing much when i turn 21. now im not saying im positive that he is the one, but i would love him to be. all i know is that i could not be luckier and happier at this moment in time. and i am so freaaaakin happy that our paths crossed.

well whoever it was that read this tremendously long entry, i was just gettin my sappy feelings out, kinda confiding in my diary. but hey thanks for readin.